Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
