For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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