I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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