How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
