So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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