Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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