the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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