So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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