She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
