Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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