I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
