i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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