I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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