Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like a drive thru vagina
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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