wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
