U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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