this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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