Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
