Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
