i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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