when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
