She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
