I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
