i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
