The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
