Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
