allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
