It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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