Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
