I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
