i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
