She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
