The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
