I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
