OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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