It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
is it fun? or sober?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
