What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
