This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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