I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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