He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
