Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
