I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
