oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
