Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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