Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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