scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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