There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
