I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
