puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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