even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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