This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
