he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
