you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
