heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
