They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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