do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
