I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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