do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
