I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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