I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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