At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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