so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
