just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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