Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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