Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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