It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
