As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We are all done wearing pants today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
