I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
