Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
