This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
