I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
