The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
